Going Green = Snooty Fad

What is the Opposite of Green?

If you must know the answer to the question, it’s me. I, Emily Schmitz, am the opposite of green!

I was driving downstate a few days ago and was listening to my delish radio crush, Dennis Miller. He and a caller were joking about the term “going green” and what is has come to mean in recent years. I’ll admit that the fundamentals of this movement are fine (recycle, turn off lights when you leave the room, blah blah blah), but what really chaps my burger is that now being “green” is the snootiest fad on the planet. Yes, planet Earth, which apparently is doomed if Americans don’t stop driving those appalling SUVs and if cows don’t stop farting.

So, I decided to start this blog as a satirical approach to a movement that hates everything I love, and to put in my thoughts on silly, crunchy news that I hear from time to time.


1. This blog is supposed to be taken in good humor, so I must say first that I do, in fact, appreciate the beauty of this Earth. A long time ago I found a notebook full of quotes that my dad gave my mom before they got married, and one quote in particular quickly turned into a favorite: “Beauty is God’s handwriting.” I truly believe that, and living in Michigan’s Upper Peninsula, it is never more apparent. I mean, for realz:


2. I actually spent nine months of my life recycling when I lived with my darling friend Bridget Feldpausch. Now, I only recycle pop cans, because I get money back for them.

3. In future posts, there might be mention (and ridicule) of: Food co-ops, organic food, terms like “free range,” liberals, drug rugs, the EPA, green tax breaks, carbon footprints, bumper stickers that bother me, and stuff like this:

I also may mention from time to time how much I love Middle Eastern oil.

Emily Schmitz

About BC

"That's baseball, and it's my game. Y' know, you take your worries to the game, and you leave 'em there. You yell like crazy for your guys. It's good for your lungs, gives you a lift, and nobody calls the cops. Pretty girls, lots of 'em."
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