I don’t believe in- or like talking about- “global warming.” In fact, I would rather have Michelle Obama sensually feed me an organic kale salad than ever discuss it again. But just for funsies, if I DID believe it was actually an issue, here are my top five reasons why global warming sounds fun:
1. New lakefront
2. Longer summers
3. Polar bears like to swim anyway
4. More areas for offshore drilling = more jobs
5. I’ve always wanted to make saltwater taffy in Michigan
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