I raced in a snowshoe 5K on Saturday. It was fab.
Actually, only select parts of the day were fab. Exploring another part of the delightful U.P. and being outside in the falling snow and the oodles of icy cold Diet Pepsi and bread and peppers and sausage I consumed afterwards were among the good parts.
The rest of it can be described with words such as physical torture, sweaty, embarrassment, sore, and green.
Yes, you read it. GREEN! It was a hippie event! I was duped!
Not only is snowshoeing three miles no cake walk, but it was all for an organization that supports environmental education causes. I know that doesn’t sound so bad, but when you consider that my registration money could go to programs in schools that gripe against fossil fuel consumption and capitalism (I’m not actually sure this is what happens, I’m just assuming it’s along these lines), then we have a problem!
ALSO? They advertised for organic hot cocoa at the finish of the race. Organic. Hot cocoa. What can be organic about chocolate and water served hot? Isn’t all water organic? Was it coconut water? Was the cocoa actually carob beans raised from a flowering tropical plant in South America? Was it gluten free? Sugar free? Made with milk powder from free-range cows that are grass-fed AND breast-fed? BECAUSE I NEED TO KNOW.
I was pretty close to coming in last place in the race and collapsed so fiercely into the snow when it was over I barely heard the event organizer call me fat. (Actually, he very sarcastically said, “Wow, you were one of the fastest ones!” but that’s pretty much the same thing). When I finally lifted my head out of the snow, I was able to see the prizes given for the actual fastest racers, which included many of my friends.
And was I ever pleased to see that the prizes were…
(Stay tuned tomorrow for part two).
Cross posted from WhatIsTheOppositeOfGreen