Following the shocking news that North Korea had detonated another, stronger nuclear device despite receiving a series of increasingly stern Hallmark cards from the United Nations, Barack Obama announced that he considers the act “highly provactive,” much like Reggie Love in thong underwear.
The president, who used his State of the Union address to talk about reducing our own nuclear arsenal, downsizing our military, disarming our population, and other far-reaching pussification efforts, said of North Korea that “they represent a serious threat to the United States of America, and we’ve got to be prepared to deal with that.”
Yeah! And how are we going to be prepared to deal with that…? With guns? Missiles? Bombs? Aircraft carriers? Drone strikes? Chuck Norris?!
Nope. Barry says “North Korea’s threatening activities warrant further swift and credible action by the international community.” Because, you know, that’s worked out so well in the past.
Sadly, we can’t really expect the president to have a very solid policy on North Korea owing to the fact that he doesn’t really employ any experts on the region – despite this being a “serious threat” to our country.
In fact, in a highly-embarrassing mixup, Obama recently scrambled Seal Team Six to have them “terminate with extreme prejudice” the Pillsbury Doughboy after national security advisers mistook him for Kim Jong-Un, the poppin’ fresh leader of North Korea.
Still, we have to give the president points for consistency: he’s been pushing hard to make sure that only crazy people will have guns, and is now extending that policy so that only crazy countries will have nukes.
But as Hillary Clinton would say, “What does it matter at this point?”